With the Helmet Off

It’s often crossed my mind that I should write about my experience as a college athlete. Or, rather, my experience managing that identity when it all came to an end. The reality is that I have procrastinated time and time again sitting down to write something I knew would be painful and probably never good enough to do justice to my actual experience. But now here I am, and I will do

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New Beginnings

Growing into an adult often makes me long for the good ole days of being a naïve little kid who’s biggest worry was whether or not the neighborhood kids were home to play. But at the same time, the transition also continues to me lead towards more impactful experiences that leave me dumbfounded and overwhelmed with a profound appreciation and newly discovered love for this journey we call life.  Backtracking to beginning

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Patient Notes: Part 4

82 days post-op, 99 days post injury Perhaps this has been the hardest installment of this series to write. That is part of why it has taken me so long. It seems I have hit the middle stage of recovery: the in between part where I am both progressing and content and also anxious and depressed. It’s difficult to say how this could be, but as I write it I find it

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Changing Course

The Friday before finals week, I decided to take the day to go skiing at Whiteface to let off some steam before the stressful week to come. My friends and I made the 3 hour trek to the mountain and had an absolutely amazing day on the snow together. On our very last run of the day, I hit a soft spot of snow and hit the ground extremely hard… going extremely

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Patient Notes: Part 3

57 days post injury, 40 days post op, 6 days post second op When I announced my injury, I stated that the coming months would be excruciating—excruciating in the mental sense. Thinking back now, I didn’t know all of the ways that this would test me. I still can’t say if I will be better for it. It’s been a while since I’ve written; almost six weeks to be exact. But I

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Football? It’s Complicated…

Initially, I was not fond of the game of football. I vividly remember my first football season; I was a short, fat, uncoordinated, 6th grader that was terribly allergic to grass. Add insult to injury, our team was utterly awful and finished the season with one win and eight losses.  The damage I dealt lead me to take a hiatus for two years. Though it was a terrible first impression, little did I

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Patient Notes: Part 2

17 days post crash, day of surgery… Pain is temporary. 17 days ago my life was sliced open, today my body was. I am beginning to hope that both of those wounds may now begin to heal. When I was first diagnosed with my ACL tear they told me that I could wait, they said ‘you don’t need to make any decisions now.’ They told me I could have surgery at Thanksgiving

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Walking Away, Finding Balance

Growing up I’ve always had big aspirations for myself. Like many young athletes, I dreamed of being a huge star, playing in college, in the Olympics, all of it. I would feel super legit doing drills in my basement all through middle and high school thinking about how eventually all the hard work would pay off. I was driven by my aspirations to be the best, but I don’t know if this

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Sometimes You Just Have to Smile

This morning I write to you after it has been so difficult to find the words. I have been pretending. Pretending that the transition from a life filled with structure and routine to a life absent of that has been a walk in the park. Nothing too challenging. Here is the raw truth: it has kinda sucked.  I went from feeling like the top of the world, playing hockey in front of

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Patient Notes: Part 1

Five days post crash… I’ve been in this sport for a long time – more than 15 years of racing now. I have watched countless teammates, friends, and fellow competitors go through this injury. Long ago I came to terms with the fact that it would come for me too. But knowing that it would come and that it did are two different things. Anterior Cruciate Ligament (ACL): the three little words

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