With the Helmet Off

It’s often crossed my mind that I should write about my experience as a college athlete. Or, rather, my experience managing that identity when it all came to an end. The reality is that I have procrastinated time and time again sitting down to write something I knew would be painful and probably never good enough to do justice to my actual experience. But now here I am, and I will do

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New Beginnings

Growing into an adult often makes me long for the good ole days of being a naïve little kid who’s biggest worry was whether or not the neighborhood kids were home to play. But at the same time, the transition also continues to me lead towards more impactful experiences that leave me dumbfounded and overwhelmed with a profound appreciation and newly discovered love for this journey we call life.  Backtracking to beginning

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Changing Course

The Friday before finals week, I decided to take the day to go skiing at Whiteface to let off some steam before the stressful week to come. My friends and I made the 3 hour trek to the mountain and had an absolutely amazing day on the snow together. On our very last run of the day, I hit a soft spot of snow and hit the ground extremely hard… going extremely

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Football? It’s Complicated…

Initially, I was not fond of the game of football. I vividly remember my first football season; I was a short, fat, uncoordinated, 6th grader that was terribly allergic to grass. Add insult to injury, our team was utterly awful and finished the season with one win and eight losses.  The damage I dealt lead me to take a hiatus for two years. Though it was a terrible first impression, little did I

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Walking Away, Finding Balance

Growing up I’ve always had big aspirations for myself. Like many young athletes, I dreamed of being a huge star, playing in college, in the Olympics, all of it. I would feel super legit doing drills in my basement all through middle and high school thinking about how eventually all the hard work would pay off. I was driven by my aspirations to be the best, but I don’t know if this

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Sometimes You Just Have to Smile

This morning I write to you after it has been so difficult to find the words. I have been pretending. Pretending that the transition from a life filled with structure and routine to a life absent of that has been a walk in the park. Nothing too challenging. Here is the raw truth: it has kinda sucked.  I went from feeling like the top of the world, playing hockey in front of

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Keep the Ball in the Air

Across all the different sports I’ve played, all the different teams I’ve played for, I’ve gathered quite the collection of clothes and equipment. Shirts from spring hockey tournaments, jackets from all-star teams, skis that don’t fit anymore, and four years’ worth of college shirts, shorts, sweatpants, hats etc. My jerseys are tucked away in another box for safe keeping, my hockey gear is still packed in its bag, and my old soccer

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Shifting Purpose and Purposeful Shifts

I lived a sort of monastic life in which I swam, ate, studied, and slept, in that order. I was a woman on a mission to achieve every goal I wrote down. But 12 years later, as Ivy Championships drew to a close, I noticed a giant void, not because of the 20 extra hours of free time I now had, but because in the first time in my life I didn’t have any goals to diligently and resolutely strive toward…

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Tug of War: Do You, or Do You Not?

Fluctuating thoughts. Bipolar thoughts. Mixed thoughts. No matter what you call them, each of these expressions are characteristics of my current relationship with football. Each of these expressions sum up to describe why it is/was so difficult for me to express my feelings about no longer playing a sport that made up such a large part of my identity for the majority of my life…

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Living in a Temporary Limbo

I love hockey. I have loved hockey since… forever. I honestly do not remember a time in my life when I didn’t love hockey. Like many sports, hockey is not only a platform for athletics and competition, but a platform for fun…

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