My time as a athlete has been full of ups and downs. My love for the game and the sport of basketball has been tested several times, and I’ve grown into the person I am today because of my athletic journey. My athletic career does not define me, but it has added so much to my life that I now can carry over to my career and into building a family of my own.
I think the biggest part of my story that helped me develop my own personal worth outside of sport was when I was sidelined during my freshman season. I committed my Junior year of High School to a coaching staff that got let go during spring of my senior year, and I stayed committed to a completely new staff at this university. That entire year I battled, I played my heart out, and I overworked myself just for my new coach to not even know my name by midseason. I felt mistreated and unwelcome from the start, as if no one there knew me or even cared to know me. It was a toxic environment and I struggled all year. I rarely ever saw the court. I remember there was a game where we were up about 40 points and the entire team got in, besides me. I was the only one that didn’t step on the court. At that point I felt completely sidelined and there was nothing I could do about it, I felt I had tried my hardest, pushed myself as hard as I could, and I was still, and probably would always be, on the sidelines. I tore myself apart because I felt it was my fault I was sidelined – I wasn’t good enough, and if I wasn’t good enough on the court, then I was failing in life. Because at that point basketball, was my life.
It took me a long time to realize that life doesn’t always revolve around sports, and with this situation I chose the best path for my mental health and decided to transfer out of the program. It was a hard choice, I was at the Division I level and felt I would be a disappointment if I left, or it would look as though I gave up… But my true friends and family were there to support me and encouraged me to make the healthy decision for me. I spent a lot of time talking with my parents and they helped me to see that my mental health will always take priority over my athletic situation. Leaving turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life and I gained so much knowledge and strength from the experience. Transferring helped me to find my true passion, and put me down the career path I hope to take – sports psychology.
Fast forward three more years, and I’m in another transfer situation. I had the choice to play my fifth and final year at my current school or pursue my career and next step of education for my career goals. Although it was another very tough decision, I chose to prioritize my education. I am still playing my fifth year of basketball, but there has been a big shift in my values, and I’ve learned to take my passion for my sports and carry it into my career and education. I’ve been so grateful that the school I chose heavily prioritizes education along with athletics, and I feel like I’m being given the tools to make my transition out of competing a smooth process.
I think a lot of athletes today develop such a high athletic identity that effects their everyday life and relationships… like me my freshman year when I wasn’t seeing the court and thought that I wasn’t valued by my family or friends. But there is a lot more to life than sports, and I think sometimes I still struggle with understanding that. I have to remind myself, every day, that I am worth more than just the amount of points I score or how well I play. The people around me love me for me, and not my abilities.
I am nearing the end of my competitive sport career and I’m glad to have joined the Sideline Perspective and I know this community will support me as I navigate life after sports. My story is still being written and I’m sure there is going to be plenty of ups and downs without basketball in my life – but I have several great support systems around me that I know I can turn to. Thanks for letting me tell my story!
