For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a D1 and Olympic hockey goalie. I play multiple sports but hockey is my calling and I could never imagine my life without it. Last spring, I had a bad accident at school and needed to have emergency surgery on my leg. When I was recovering from that serious injury, it made me afraid that I would never play hockey at a high level again and would never reach my dreams. Of course my number one supporters (my parents) thought that I was just thinking too much and when I started back up I would be fine. It was hard for me to believe that, because there was no way to really know if I was just overthinking it or if I had become the next of those unfortunate athletes who just never recovered enough to be able to play again.
The week after my accident, I decided to go to watch my friends and teammates play in the tournament that I was missing out on. That was a huge bummer, because even though it was fun to see my teammates and watch them have fun, watching my team play without me was just the most torture I have ever experienced in my life. My team ended up winning that game, but I couldn’t stay to watch the next game because I thought it would be too painful.
For weeks whenever I slept at night, I always had nightmares of how bad it could have been. During the day I had panic attacks about the accident. The injury could have been much more serious and that just made me realize that I was actually lucky, because it could have been much more severe. I was also lucky because I had my parents and coaches and trainer supporting and encouraging me. I also spoke to a therapist who helped me understand my panic and anxiety and taught me how to calm myself down when I was panicking.
During my recovery, I had more free time than usual and I started writing a book. I worked on developing my characters and outlining the plot and spent a lot of time writing and rewriting. I discovered that there is a lot more to life and to me than hockey. While I still love to play and my goals and dreams have not changed, I understand that I am not just a hockey player.
When I was able to get back on the ice, my first few times back were with my goalie coach. He encouraged me to take things slowly even though I was frustrated not to go right back to the way I was before the accident. He was right as usual and slow and steady was the right way to get back into things. After a few weeks back on the ice I was playing in high level tournaments and loving my time on the ice again.
I learned a lot about myself from this experience. I am sure this will not be the only injury that sidelines me, so I am glad that I have learned some important skills to help me through it. The most important thing I learned is that I am much more than just an athlete. I am a writer, a singer, a loyal friend, a lover of dogs, a traveler, and theater-goer. I also learned that it takes time to recover from an injury and there is no way to make that time go faster so you just need to let the process work and try to occupy your time with other things. And I learned that having a support group of people in your corner is super important. They can listen when you are sad and give you a hug when you are panicking and talk you through things when you are overthinking. With everything I learned, I hope I am better prepared if I have another injury and am unable to play for a while.
